• the main thread is interesting but I’m only pulling highlights, so see the follow up comments below!

Follow-up comment about being a childhood serial pyromaniac by u/Aecyn:

Well since I was a child, I was pyromaniac , well addicted to fire and setting things on fire, which started around when I was 6 or 7 , my parents woke up to the smell of burnt furniture, I was pretty much setting the sofa on fire and I was just playing. Some years later, I've occasionally burn down some abandoned place where used to be a garage and car repair shop...I can't count how many times I just set things ablaze there and sometimes things got out of control... yes, the firebrigade came out almost in minutes before I could sneak out and pretend to be just a normal kid walking home after school. I was pretty insane as a kid, one time I've set the summer camp on fire end of summer. Man, I've seen fires before but because it was so dry out there even the trees caught fire up to 8-10 meters. I never looked back. I never asked what happened, or tried to discover it myself but damn sure I never got back there. it wasn't something serious but ended up really serious.

Katie’s comments:

• u/Aecyn’s profile is unavailable now sadly
• OP thinks they have a dissociative disorder (see OSDD thread details below)

Additional context:

• Probably not the same summer camp just given the year, but here’s a story about a summer camp catching fire if you need something to work with: Aldersgate Camp Fire
• Found this comment on another Reddit thread from u/Aecyn (rest of the thread is irrelevant tbh but will add the link anyways): “I remember I was in a theatre. It was like a children's show. It's quite popular here , and people often pick up a guitar and sing the dumbest songs for children but for me I still can't stand it and would murder on sight. Even playing a guitar by campfire and singing is a big no no. It's torturing. It's horrible. Another thing was folklore music / singing, like very old traditional and national songs and I can't even understand how can people enjoy it. My ex used to torture me with these songs o.o” (LINK)
  • motivation for torching summer camp?! Or maybe ever since that incident, “summer camp” themes/vibes are a trigger for OP?!
• Important context about OP’s childhood/inner world: (LINK)
• found out OP is a chef which is interesting: (LINK)
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Other posts from u/Aecyn that I was able to track down:

“Is this really OSDD?” (LINK)

Long time lurker, been on and off here.. I've grown curious about osdd Because of my symptoms but tell you what, I've been feeling like I'm reading something more likely I would find on a DID sub than OSDD. I feel more and more shut out of this world because I just can't connect. I don't click with anyone really. I've used to feel tremendous amount of emotions especially reading comments and others. It helped me feel like I'm one of the bunch. Rather, osdd makes the only sense to me but still I feel excluded by the general posts and topics that's "OSDD" , I mean supposed to .I'm not here to fake blame anyone but I feel more and more distant, hopeless and helpless.

OP’s reply to another comment on this thread:

Thank you. I do resonate with this a lot more than anything. Especially because of my memories I too know and hear in voices that it isn't me. Or is that isn't me. Or my feelings of BPD even can just projected out to the ground and something is inside me. A living being. That , plus that we are all just... A piece of a non existing puzzle, cycling through masks and fantasms. In the end none of us are true but a creation of the self. So I'm looking beyond and further than anyone or anything. I seek knowledge that's not available. I seek the wisdom to understand, how can I get rid of the rings? If you are to ask me my own protection has become my own prison and I need it no more. I still honestly don't care. FYI BPD , c-ptsd both end up in the Dissociative spectrum. It's just...even in BPD subs people only Talk about FP and shit like that. I've had blackouts like One moment I'm in the bathroom the next I'm sitting in my blood at the kitchen with open veins and I hear my mother crying out for me. I too dissociate a lot more under stress but I just kept being under pressure all my life and I've felt like I've had to grow things that ain't me to protect me from this world. I don't associate myself with the living , or anything in this world. I'm cold alone and live in Despair that nothing matters really at all, not even this life and I'm tired of fighting Because it's out of my control. I don't care about an official diagnosis Because I know without one. I don't need actually someone to Tell me what I know. I rather know how to be free.
 
 #### OP’s reply to another comment on this thread:
 Honestly I don't really feel like I belong here. I feel as an outsider even with my BPD. I have severe dissociation issues and had been told about it by someone professional...it's Just...I look at things differently. I don't identify with all this and my mind is a chaos. I live in Despair pretty much
 
 I don't know. I don't actually know how to describe my experience. I threw everything away. I know something is out there and trying to possess me. Then there are things inside me that's not me either. I know there's the self I'm absolutely detached from but again, there are certain types of feelings and feels I can't put anywhere. It's like there's a part of me a child that lives upside down and sees everything normally that is upside down. Normal things are actually what's upside down for him and makes no sense to it. Then there's fire. !!!! The blood. The red. All my insanity lies beyond that. All hell would break loose. . I don't believe it. Archetypes. Archetypes shouldn't live either-or progress .. or to progress in life in multiple timelines, multiple different lives. Or having my entire existence Living only through dreams. What's normal isn't normal to me. Dreamworld is home , reality is fake. Everything is void and everyone is dead. There are only a handful of sparks alive scattered around the globe. I'm shattered mentally and it isn't even the Same eye looking through the broken glass pieces. Even my friend said I'm like DID bit not DID. To me it's like the aspects of the self that exists as a whole and also fragmented at the same time. It is pretty much impossible but again explains that how I live different timelines and dimensions. I change dimensions and people change around me. They told me I have Bipolar but again I have no Mania, no depression, it's just my bpd. Psychosis. Voices. Invisible beings. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of everything.

Katie’s comments:

• now THIS is very telling about OP’s mental state and what could’ve even set them up to be not just a pyro but someone who can set super destructive fires at such a young age without remorse or guilt about previous incidents

Additional context:

• OSDD: Other Specified Dissociative Disorder
• from what I know about DID, typically this disorder is a result of MASSIVE, chronic trauma… think like satanic ritual abuse level

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“Where does knowledge emerge from that is not known to the human mind?” (LINK)

I'm asking because I have conscious content manifesting in voices and visions (took me s while to realise I'm not crazy) but I do have also dreams and shit that predicts the future. I had voices warning me of great "danger" to my life like an eviction intention or being fired and it was always accurate, months before warning me. Well I know the unconscious might know things from the collective but how the fuck is that even working? Seriously?? There's no fucking clue I have about things and I know I'm being guided to wisdom and knowledge but how?? Why?? The fuck? Not only that , ever since I began my journey with Jung the whole world turned upside down and things became a vast amount of source of knowledge if I actually tend to it. There's so much to reap but never enough time. I feel as if I'm being flooded at times with so many things , I'm keeping notes but again it's chaotic. It's still bugging me how the fuck do I even sense things beforehand. Intention and shit

Katie’s comments:

• would these prophetic dreams play into their pyromania??

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”I think I understand the collective shadow” (LINK)

I've been thinking long on this matter, out of curiosity regarding the shadow and consumption, devouring and nature. It is definitely crazy that nature will come through, but it is not something I wish to see manifest through a twisted form. The elixir of life is the gift of the shadow and that , to see how globally we murder everything through everything we also do individually my heart breaks for humanity. The blood of Christ has dried out and our generations are exactly of the results of this so called collective shadow. It is definitely interesting to see how a new generation has to face our shadow that has been created by the amount of greed, neglect and whatever capitalism made us believe. I'm thinking of Spirit, Matter and Mind , terms that's out of political views and whatever. I just definitely have felt and connected with the collective shadow and it might be just one aspect I could grasp through my own experience...I think without the elixir of life we are doomed. I can definitely see how shadow leads to anima and how important is the essence of life individually, but how could the elixir of life manifest in the collective? It must have to exist and manifest but again, how can we heal and integrate as a society, humanity our shadow as a collective?

Katie’s comments:

• the OP’s mention of “consumption” definitely gives me visions of how a fire consumes everything in its path

• Location: Unknown

Follow-up comment by u/username:

Katie’s comments:

• Location: